2/22/17 FLORIDA TOUR BLOG - PART 3.5

2/22/17 FLORIDA TOUR BLOG - PART 3.5

I can't sleep.  I should be able to.  I'm safe.  Ive been well fed.  I'm in a loved one's home.  I'm tired.... but my brain is not. 

The fan above me wheezes circular patterns, swinging along in its uneven dance, constantly threatening to finally give from the bondage of the ceiling.  Instead of drifting, my brain is overreacting to the long term patterns that cycle through my life.... I keep coming back to the same three things over and over: 

1) Am I the root of my own unhappiness?  

2) Why do I always find it so hard to say I'm sorry when I'm hurt, and 

3) Why do I constantly torture myself by second guessing every decision?

And the funny part is, I've made progress. I am finally getting closer to living in the present -- I'm actually here in Florida, with the van, trying to give this the shot I've always been afraid to take.  

And that's when I realize the sound to my left is Stella, Scott's cat enjoying a midnight snack.  She has spent her day in hiding, and with the safety of a darkened house, she courageously went through her nighttime rituals.  I pssssted at her, and she looked towards me in pure shock.  Silly Stella, you were so in your head, you didn't even know I was there.  

Chad GosselinComment